Still at summer camp and having a good time most of the time. I love the kids that I have and I’m working with a great co-counselor. I have my favourite age group - boys ages 9 - 11. They’re a bit of a handful but they’re getting so much better. The difference in some of them in just a few days is amazing and reminds me why I love this job so much. There have been a few times this summer when I’ve considered just walking out, but then great things happen and I remember the reason that I’m here. I am going to be so sad when I have to leave in less then a month. I’ve already cried about it and I know there are going to be many more tears. I have children asking whether I’m going to be back and it’s so difficult to say that I don’t know. I just want to have the time and money to come back again and again to this place. My heart feels the happiest when I’m with these people and when I’m in this place.
The only thing that’s putting a downer on it is, of course, a guy. I hate the feelings that I’m having and I just want to stop them but it’s so hard. I was told about him before I came to camp, but didn’t pay much attention. Within the first day I liked him and my feelings developed quickly. He is one of the few guys that I’ve met that we’re actually friends instead of me just having a crush on somebody. We can have a proper conversation but we also mess around a lot. He’s become one of my really good friends. I thought that there might be something there but he started talking to another girl, and as his friend, I got to hear all about it. I’m torturing myself with wondering what would have happened if I’d been more obvious with my feelings. This other girl was, and he didn’t at first seem interested in her but they’ve slowly gotten closer. At the beginning he kept on asking me to join him to do things but as he’s gotten closer to this other girl, we’re hanging out a lot less. It’s all just so frustrating and I’ve started being bitchy to him because I don’t want to hear all about his new relationship. He doesn’t have a phone, so he’s been using my phone to text her and it’s incredibly annoying. Also because she’ll text me, pretending to want to tell me something but I know that it’s all for him. It’s all an annoying situation.
Apart from all that though (which I have to deal with every day), things are going great. Just so you know though, I won’t be back to regularity until sometime in August! I’m missing Tumblr and can’t wait to get back!
You know something I found interesting? Is how when people meet dogs, they’ll say something like “He’s so cute!” And the owner will shyly respond with “she’s a girl, actually” And the person will apologize and IMMEDIATELY start using the right pronouns. So my question is, If its so easy to do with DOGS why is it so fucking difficult to do with trans people?
Me:So, let's say that you're at school and you see a guy you know. I mean, you guys talk every once in a while and he's pretty cool, but you're not like friends or anything. You just talk to him every once in a while.
Guy Friend:What's his name?
Me:I don't know. Frank?
Me:Okay, fine. His name is Will. Okay?
Guy Friend:I don't think it really suits him, but okay.
Me:...So anyway, you're at school during lunchtime and you see Will. So, you notice Will's not eating anything. That's when you realize that Will has no lunch, no money for lunch, and no way of getting either. He's just sitting there like he normally would. He's not acting any differently and he's not asking anyone for anything. Not money, not a fry, not even a salt packet, but you know he's gotta be hungry. So, what do you do?
Guy Friend:Do I have any money?
Me:Yeah. You have enough for you and another meal.
Guy Friend:Duh, I buy him lunch.
Me:Okay, cool. So, like you said, you buy him lunch. You buy your lunch and you buy his lunch and you go over and hand it to him. And, he says, "Wow. You know, that's really nice of you, but I wasn't gonna ask anyone for lunch. I was probably just gonna wait until I got home to eat." And, then you say--
Guy Friend:Nah, it's cool.
Me:Exactly. You say, "Nah, it's cool. I'm just being nice. It's a gift." And, Will says, "You know, that's awesome. You're really nice, bro." And, after that, you guys start hanging out. You guys are like really good buds. You are always hanging out and laughing and just having a good time. So, you guys are friends for a few months, and it's tons of fun. Then, one day, you go up to Will and you say, "Hey, Will, you know, I've been thinking, and I kinda want that five bucks."
Guy Friend:What five bucks?
Me:Hold on. I'm getting there. So, Will says, "What five bucks?" To which, you reply, "Well, we've been hanging out for a long time and it's been really fun, but like, I've done a lot of really nice things for you. Like, I'm always nice to you and I always listen and do things you wanna do, so I was thinking that because I've been so nice, you should pay me back that five bucks I spent to get your lunch right before we started really hanging out."
Guy Friend:What? Why would I--
Me:I'm not done yet. So, then Will looks kinda hurt and he says, "But I thought you were just being nice. I thought that was just a gift." So, you say, "Whether or not it was a gift, don't you think you kinda owe me that five bucks since I've been so nice to you?" And, Will says, "No. I don't think I owe you that!" And you get mad, so you say, "Well, I think that you do, so I think you're being really shitty and stuck up about this and I feel like I've been completely wronged."
Guy Friend:Oh, my God. That's so fucked up of me. I would never do that to Will. Will was nice. We were buds. That's way screwed.
Me:I know, right? Hey, just wondering, have you ever heard of this fictional place called "The Friendzone?"
I don’t get it when people say I wanna go to Europe I mean as a European you gotta be more specific because there’s a major difference between Denmark and Greece so which part of fucking Europe do you wanna go to